


my shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too

by Apolloclover



Series: JATP Tumblr Prompts One shots [5]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, anxiety attack, awkward boys in love, based on a prompt, rated teen because of the anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apolloclover/pseuds/Apolloclover
Summary: After the events of the finale, Alex has an anxiety attack.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: JATP Tumblr Prompts One shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035768
Comments: 1
Kudos: 101





	my shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!!! There is an anxiety attack. These are how mine usually go and the things Willie does for Alex is usually what helps me when I get out of them. This is not meant to generalize how all anxiety attacks are but this is from my own personal experience.

Alex scratched at where the mark used to be. It hadn’t seemed real at the time, even as each sharp pang sapped his very existence. It had all seem so surreal. What it meant. How it was slowly sucking the energy out of him, all because of something he couldn’t control. 

Now that it was gone, it all was hitting him at once. All he had been able to do was watch as his two best friends went through the same agony, looking like they were dying all over again. It brought back painful memories of feeling like he was burning from the inside out as his two best friends lay next to him in the ambulance, dead. The consequences of Alex being excited to show off his ghost friend, Willie, to his band. 

Speaking of Willie, Alex felt a pain in his chest at the realization that whatever feelings he had for the boy didn’t matter now. Even if by some miracle Willie liked him back, there was no way they could do anything about it., what with Willie being held hostage by the same person who had done this to his friends. Willie was probably in the same danger that they had been in, and being friends with him probably would put him in more danger.

The thoughts swam around in his head, coming faster as he felt his heart beating faster.  _ My best friends were dying. I was dying. All my fault. Willie. All my fault. My best friends were dying – _

He felt tears welling up at the corner of his eyes and spilling over as he choked for air. Alex teleported, not wanting his bandmates to see him like this, to some alleyway. His breathing was coming faster now as he scratched at the mark in an increasing franticness. He backed up against the wall sinking to the ground as he tried to get it under control. 

It was ridiculous, seeing as how he was a ghost, but he started to feel lightheaded from hyperventilating. His fingers and toes tingled and his vision went spotty. Alex was aware in some abstract manner that his face was wet with tears but he couldn’t care less in that moment. 

Alex wasn’t sure how long he was out there, alone in the cold he couldn’t feel, until a set of hands gripped his own. He wasn’t even sure how long that the hands had been there until he gradually became aware of their existence through the haze of his panic. His vision was out of focus but he heard a voice speaking to him, just barely catching the end of the sentence. 

_ “–lex. Hey look at me, focus on me.”  _ The familiar voice sounded as if it was underwater. Alex struggled to follow his instructions but his vision was blurred from oxygen loss and tears. “ _ Come on Alex,”  _ the voice continued _ , “I’m gonna count, I need you to breathe with me, okay? In, two, three, four… hold six, seven, eight. Out, two, three, four… hold six, seven, eight.” _

Alex fought to catch his breath and breathe with the soothing voice. He felt one of the hands release his own and move to the back of his neck, rubbing soothing circles with each word. After a period of choking, Alex managed to start to breathe in time with the person’s command, struggling to not slip back into his hyperventilating state.

“Great job, I’m proud of you,” the voice reassured him as Alex slowly calmed himself down. “Easy does it.” 

The unfortunate side effect of being able to breathe, was now his body was able to catch up with just how upset he had been before the anxiety attack. Alex moved his hands to cover his face as the first sob wracked through his body. 

The boy in front of him cursed and Alex felt, rather than saw, him move to pull him into a tight hug. An arm wrapped around his shoulder as another moved to cup the back of his head, easing Alex into a position where he was crying on this stranger’s shoulder. 

As Alex buried his sobs into the poor guy’s shirt he caught the familiar smell of asphalt and something else, something he had smelled when he gave Willie that goodbye hug before the Orpheum concert. Now Alex knew why the voice sounded familiar. 

He looked up into a set of concerned brown eyes which incited another rise of anxiety in his chest. What was Willie doing here? Didn’t he know how dangerous this was? He had already put so much on the line just helping them with the Orpheum. Didn’t Willie know how dangerous it would be to speak to him? Didn’t–

“We’re gonna play a game, okay Alex?” Willie spoke, cutting through his thoughts. He pulled back to cup Alex’s cheek. 

“Yeah?” Alex asked, wincing at how raspy his voice sounded. 

“Name five things you can see for me.”

“What?” He wasn’t sure how that was relevant to the situation. “Why.”

“Humor me.”

Letting out a grumble of annoyance, Alex scanned the alley around him. “The penis graffiti, the garbage bin, the other penis graffiti, your skateboard, your helmet.”  _ You _ , Alex’s mind unhelpfully added. 

“Alright, now four things you can feel?”

“The ground, my clothes, the breeze, the bottle poking my back.”  _ Your hand on my face. _

“Three things you can hear?”

“Some kids shouting, my heart beating, whatever annoying bug is chirping in the garbage bin.”  _ Your voice. _

“Two you smell?”

“Rotten food and the hot dog cart down the street.”  _ Asphalt _ . 

“One thing you can taste.” 

“My mouth?” Alex answered uncertainly. ‘ _ Would be nice if I could taste your tongue too,’  _ his brain chimed in unhelpfully. Alex felt his face burn red at his thoughts. Even in the middle of an anxiety attack, Willie was all he could focus on. 

Except, Alex frowned as he brought his hand to his chest, his heart wasn’t going quite as crazy as before and he didn’t feel like bursting into tears again. He looked up at Willie’s face in confusion. 

“Feel better?” Willie asked softly. He lowered his hand from Alex’s face, leaning away from him. Alex tried to ignore the answering flare of disappointment. 

“Yeah, surprisingly.” He ducked his eyes away from Willie’s concerned gaze, embarrassed at being seen like that. “How did you find me?”

Willie looked down at his hands and fiddled them sheepishly. “Honestly?” He asked, avoiding Alex’s gaze.

“Honesty is preferable yeah.” With a small sigh, Willie flicked his gaze up, causing Alex’s breath to catch in his throat at the grief darkening his normally warm brown eyes. 

“I saw you disappear at the Orpheum and assumed you passed over,” Willie answered nervously, “so I went to Julie to make sure she was okay, then I saw you.” Willie looked down and fiddled with his hands.

“That still doesn’t explain why you followed me.”

Willie dropped his hands, looking up at Alex through his lashes. “I thought I would never see you again,” he spoke softly. “But there you were, and I couldn’t...” Willie trailed off.

“Couldn’t what?” Alex pressed.

“I couldn’t…” Willie hesitated again. “I was too scared that if I let you out of my sight that you would disappear, and that I would wake up from this wonderful dream where you were still in the same world as me.”

Alex’s breath caught in his chest at those words and a swarm of butterflies were fluttering in his chest. Did Willie mean what he thought he meant? Was this?... 

“Willie,” Alex said quietly, “Willie you can’t say things like that to me.”

“Why not,” Willie insisted. “Alex, I thought I lost you and those couple hours were the worst hours of my life, and I  _ died _ .” Alex tried to duck his head, overwhelmed, but Willie reached his hand up to cup his face, “you make my world stop Alex Mercer.”

‘But Caleb…” Alex trailed off, chest tightening as joy and despair warred inside him. He needed to warn Willie, tell him about what could happen if they were seen together, Willie should especially know how dangerous it was.

“To hell with Caleb!” Willie cursed suddenly, causing Alex to jump a little. “If you want me gone, then tell me. But to have even a small chance to be with you,” Willie reached down to grip Alex’s hands, a hopeful smile spreading across his face. “I would go up against that psycho alone.”

Alex stared at him silently. He wracked his brain for a response other than ‘please make out with me now thank you’ or ‘hnngh?’ As the silence stretched on from his inability to speak, Willie’s grip loosened and the hopeful smile dimmed from his face. Still at a loss for what to say, Alex blurted out his next words.

“Oh my god, you really did hit your head hard didn’t you?”   
  
Whatever was left of the smile on Willie’s face disappeared into a hurt expression. “A simple ‘no’ would have been fine,” he pouted. He moved to stand up. “I’m sorry for springing that on you, I guess I’ll just...” Willie pointed his thumb towards the entrance to the alley.

Alex stared as the guy he was halfway in love with moved to leave. No no no no no, this was definitely not what he wanted. He leaped to his feet and lunged for Willie’s wrist, turning him around to face him. As the other boy stared back at him in bewilderment Alex realized how shaky his legs were. Whether it was from the anxiety attack or what he was about to do next, he wasn’t sure. 

“Idiot,” Alex breathed out before leaning in to press his lips against Willie.

As far as first kisses went, it wasn’t bad. Willie was too shocked to respond, but Alex really liked him so at the first touch the butterflies went mental in his chest and his brain definitely was giving off some happy hormones. 

Alex leaned away, breathless with nerves, as he stared at Willie’s face. The boy’s expression was almost comical, eyes wide with shock and mouth falling open in surprise. Alex stared at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The mouth slowly turned upward into a smile, and Willie reached up to run his hand through Alex’s hair. “Yeah,” he said in a tone that was almost reverent, “but I guess if I’m your idiot it’s okay though.” And at that, he leaned forward to capture Alex’s mouth in a kiss again.

As far as Alex was concerned, this was the best second kiss in history.


End file.
